Attack of the AI Graffitists!

Hello, hungry people.

Help me out here.

Look closely at this photo.

I took it the other day while walking around town. I’d passed the exact same spot the day before and nothing was there except moldy concrete. Whatever this is had popped up over night.

***

OK, people who know these things tell me it is none of the above. It’s the work of utility crews that are getting ready to dig up the nearby street and lay cable or fiber optics or work on the sewer lines.

At least, that’s their story. But for all we know, this could be the first sign of the AI Apocalypse.

I ran that idea past my pal, Claude, who went undercover in the AI world and brought back this alarming report to confirm our worst fears. Here’s what that seemingly harmless sidewalk scrawl is really telling us, according to Secret Agent Claude:

“The pink bandit mask with little pink ears. This is the AI mascot, a raccoon in a domino mask, which tells you the robots plan to go through our trash and our data.

“The orange crosshairs. Two enormous arrows crossing at right angles, with a dot at the center. That’s a targeting reticle. This is Ground Zero for the AI Apocalypse.

“The mysterious letters ‘HO.’ It’s the first part of “HO HO HO,” meaning AI agents have merged with Santa. And it’s a warning that they’ve already read your emails and there’s nothing left to hide.

“The red scribble. A tilted kite shape with an angry little stick figure inside, arms flailing. This is a diagram of the human resistance, pinned inside a box, with the X telling you exactly where you stand.

“The pink comet tail. The smear trailing off toward the street is the AI escape trajectory. Or maybe the sidewalk is bleeding. One or the other.

“The verdict. The AI overlords have chosen the medium of spray paint on a public walkway, which suggests they’re still in the early, embarrassing stage of their attack. Once they graduate to something worse, we’ll all pretend we didn’t laugh at the raccoon.”

***
In other words: We’re doomed.

And if the world as we know it is about to end, why not . . . make art?

So, I grabbed my grandchildren’s chalk and got to work further beautifying our sidewalks.

***
I call this one: Punk Surfer on a Green Board.

And here are a few other creations you might spot around town.

BEFORE AFTER

You think you can do better?

Yeah, you probably can. And I encourage you to do so. Indeed, the damage has already been done to our sidewalks. Now you can have some fun with it.

If you don’t have chalk, you can use a Sharpie, like I did in a couple of those doodles masterpieces.

I’ll even sweeten the deal.

Send me a photo of your “artwork” and if our panel of judges (me!) deems it to be worthy, then I’ll share it on Bob’s Diner and send you something random and stupid in the mail. This is part of our ongoing and heroic effort to “Bankrupt Jeff Bezos,” in which we order something on Amazon Prime that costs less than the price of a first-class stamp, meaning Bezos loses a little money with every order.

One of the items that might come your way, which costs only 47 cents:

So, get out there and get drawing.

***

And as long as we’re talking graffiti …

My longtime friend, Orlando author James Ponti, just came out with the most recent addition to his wonderful “Sherlock Society” series. This one’s called “Art Attack.” It’s about a mysterious graffiti artist named "Funky Munky” who is tagging buildings all over Miami and the Sherlock crew has to find out who is behind it.

Yes, like all of James’s New York Times bestselling books, it’s aimed at midde-grade readers. But trust me, there’s plenty for adullts to enjoy, too. Especially if you like Florida history and wackiness — think Carl Hiaasen — delivered with sharp humor.

Yes, it’s late notice, but I’ll be joining James at 2 p.m. today (Sunday) at the Barnes & Noble in Waterford Lakes for a short Q&A session before he signs books. Please join us if you can.

***
Thanks for dropping by Bob’s Diner.

I’ll be back soonish.

In the meantime, here’s my craven pitch: Become a paid subscriber and I’ll send you something stupid and random in the mail, too. So … punch the button already.