Save the Bobs!

The world needs more of us.

Hello, hungry people.

It has been a disappointing season for my MLB team, the Tampa Bay Rays. They were knocked out of playoff contention last week. And considering their record is currently 75-78 with just 9 games remaining, there’s every likelihood the Rays will finish with their second straight losing season.

But there’s one reason to cheer, at least for me and my brothers in nomenclature.

Allow me to introduce you to that smiling guy in the photo — first baseman Bob Seymour (bats left, throws right.) When the Rays brought him up from the Durham Bulls in August, Seymour became the first Bob to play in the major leagues since 2010, when Bob Howry retired from the Chicago Cubs.

Not only that, but when Seymour homered against the Yankees, he became the first Bob to hit a major league home run since Bob Smith (also of the Rays) in 2002.

For all you non-Bobs out there, this might not seem like such a big deal. But for those of us bearing a moniker that is on the endangered names list, it is cause for applause.

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When I was growing up and playing baseball (first base; bats left, throws left) the big leagues were full of Bobs — Bob Feller, Bob Gibson, Bob Lemon, Bob Turley, Bob Friend and I’ll include Mr. Richardson, second baseman for the Yankees, even though he went by Bobby.

Indeed, in the 1971 World Series, the Pittsburgh Pirates boasted no fewer than five Bobs in their lineup: Bob Johnson, Bob Moose, Bob Veale, Bob Miller and Bob Robertson.

Dare we say baseball was better back then?

Yes, I think we dare.

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The boom days for Bobs ran from 1924 until 1939, when our formal name, Robert, was the most popular name for newborn boys in the U.S. Another strong stat — between 1900 and 1990, Robert was always in the top ten.

My dad was a Bob. I’m Bob, Jr. My father in law was a Bob. Among my cohorts there is a total overabundance of Bobs. In a group of a dozen or so of us who gather every week for drinks, there are four Bobs. Not Roberts. Not Robs. Good ol’ Bobs. Yes, all of us are older than 70. I can’t recall the last time I met a young guy named Bob.

Which is borne out by more statistics. In 2024, according to the Social Security Administration, which still has a budget to track such things, the name Robert was a lowly number 90 on the charts.

The top three names? Liam, Noah and Oliver.

All good enough names, I suppose. But they lack a little something, don’t you think?

Dare we call it a certain Bobness?

Yes, I think we dare.

Because the name Bob has a lot going for it. It doesn’t waste letters. It’s spelled the same frontwards and backwards. It’s a good, solid, upstanding name that evokes a sense of solidness and trustworthiness and outright saintliness.

OK, might be getting carried away. But it is a name that inspired one of the most tasteless riddles of all time:

Q: What do you call someone with no arms and no legs who gets thrown into the water?

A: (It’s not Robert.)

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So please join me today in celebrating Bobs everywhere, especially Bob Seymour of the Tampa Bay Rays. But best celebrate him soon. Last I checked, he had a miserable .196 batting average.

Meaning, yes, the big leagues might once again be Bobless.

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Which brings us to TODAY’S POLL!

Thanks for dropping by. See ya back here soon.